This is a story I have experienced, a story I have seen others live and one that is repeated time and again. This is a story that happens every day but it was in the past for me. I tell the story as it was then for me.
My life seems to be out of control. I am finding so little to be happy about, and I feel so unimportant. I want to feel proud of me. I am looking for that something somewhere out there to prove I am worthy. I think about the things in my life that causes pain. I don't want to think about the pain. I want something to prove I am worth something.
I want something to show me that I have value, and I am worthy. I feel better about myself after a drink of alcohol or hit on a drug, even it is for a short time; or I feel important because I work so hard for the company; or I feel so important because I have the biggest computer or collection; or all the things. I purchase things to make me feel better and worthy; or I feel loved because someone is having sex with me.
One of these things or something similar makes me feel good, important, worthy, or proud. Whether I realize it or not all I really care about is this activity. I stay up all night doing it; this is more important than money family or friends. My Friends are leaving me because I am too busy with my special activity to be with them. My family and partner are angry with me because I ignore them. After a while, it does not matter because all I want to do is be alone with my special activity. This loneliness reinforces my unworthiness. To overcome my unworthiness I need more of my special activity
The more I am involved in my activity the less I have to think about my pains. The pain does not go away, so I need more of the activity, the pain hurts more. I need more medicine of the special activity.
This continues until my life is in a crisis state. I am seeing how the activity affects my life. I MUST DO SOMETHING. NOW IS THE TIME
Where do I turn? What needs to be done? There comes a day when I seek help. I want to be released from the power that has tied us to our special activity. We want to feel the pain no more. It comes to me that there are things more important than my special activity. I know there is something more important but despair draws me back to the special activity, it seems I am not in control.
We want to see the world differently. We want to see other things as important. We do not want to see the world as a place of pain and hurt. Our own mind determines what we see as important. Our own mind is where we find the pain and hurt. We want to change our mind about what is important in life. We want to change our mind about our hurts and pains. This we can do.
Yes, the answer is as simple as changing our mind. We must climb the mountain from the bottom of despair to the top where we can see all. There are many paths to the top where we can see our life full of riches of body mind and spirit. The road will be difficult at times. We will go up for a while then fall back. Brush ourselves off and continue the climb. We may go on the same path several times. The reward is worth the climb.
We must first recognize where we are. We are at the bottom. Our special activity controls our lives. We must realize we are addicted to our special activity. We must tell others and ourselves I am addicted to my special activity. Say, "I am an alcoholic" if our special activity is drinking alcohol.
Our second step is to make a commitment to reach the top. Make a commitment to do what it takes to get there. This commitment comes from inside and comes out when we decide I will not live this way any longer. We MUST take these first two steps before our life will change.
We will need emotional and spiritual help. We ask God or other Divine power to help. We turn ourselves over to God or Divine power. This is not about religion, but this is your relationship to a higher power.
We will need to learn about self-acceptance and self-love. There are many paths up this mountain and our journey will take several of them. In the loving mind, we will first know that we cannot change what has happened in the past. We know that at every moment we did the best for us with what we had at that moment. We have no reason for guilt from the past. It may take individual or group therapy to understand this. Therapy or support groups may help us with a new view of the past and show us how to change our perspective. The serenity prayer we can learn to use:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The Courage Change the things I can change.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I have said that love and our minds are the two most powerful sources we have. Therapy and support groups will help our mind to change its perspective about life. We also want love. We want to love ourselves. There are many sources to find love that is already here. We can use reading books about self-love or listening to self-help tapes by such people as Terry Cole Whitaker, Marianne Williamson, William Dyer and many more. We can attend church that teaches love without condemnation, such as Unity or Science of Mind. We can talk to people that have a love spirit
When we do here are some of the things we will lean:
We all want to be loved. We will receive unconditional love when we love others unconditionally. We can love others unconditionally when we love ourselves unconditionally. The more love we show to others, the more love we give ourselves.
We come to a place where each day we believe,
If others think well or ill of me does not change who I am, I am no better or no less than another person is and I face the challenges of today with courage
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